The Online World You Don’t See… But Your Son Does
It rarely starts with anything extreme.
A teenage boy searches:
“How to be more confident” “How to get a girlfriend”. “How to get fit in ten days”. “How to make money online”.
The algorithm does the rest.
Within a few clicks, self-improvement content can shift. Suddenly he is hearing:
- society is stacked against guys
- girls only want good looking or wealthy boys
- strong girls are ruining dating
For a boy who might be having just one off-day, this content offers something powerful. Certainty. Belonging. Solution.
The young boys in these online spaces are not immediately hateful. They are searching for guidance. And the internet answers first.
And if Adolescence made us pause, Louis Theroux’s latest documentary on the manosphere makes it impossible to look away. He exposes the online cultures shaping our boys and the men behind them.
What is the manosphere, really?
The manosphere is a network of online content and communities that tell boys how to be men. It starts with discipline and self-control, but quickly shifts into control over one’s body, one’s emotions, and of course, control over relationships.
It teaches boys to measure their worth through looks, money, status, and power.
At its core is the belief that girls are to blame for any hardship a boy may experience or feel.
The “Pill” mindset
Boys in these online spaces are often drawn into “pill thinking”:
- Labelling someone a blue pill means he is totally unaware that the world is unfair to guys.
- Labelling someone a red pill means he is beginning to see the “truth” of how unjust the world can be for boys.
- Labelling someone a black pill means he gets it: the less good-looking boys are doomed to be alone and unsuccessful unless they demand control over girls and force their way into very masculine spaces. In darker online spaces, this can even justify rage, rape and revenge.
Why this matters now
In a world that already tells boys to run the fastest, make the first team, take the prettiest girl to the movie, come first in class, boys often withdraw, internalise, and try to deal with things on their own.
From the outside, they can seem fine. Strong even. Playing waterpolo, going to the dance, becoming a prefect.
But internally, they may be dealing with rejection, confusion, and pressure without the tools to process it.
When that happens, the manosphere steps in.
Why boys are drawn to the manosphere
Because it offers what they need:
Belonging
Explanation
Relief
Clear answers
The danger is that connection slowly becomes identity. And identity becomes blame.
Over time, boys may start to believe:
- Girls only care about looks or status
- Attractive girls are shallow
- Some boys are doomed
- Asking for help is weak
These ideas often appear as jokes or memes at first. But they shape how boys think, speak, and behave.
Some of the content is just outrageous
It is often unclear whether these influencers truly believe “girls shouldn’t work” or “my girl should have sex with me when I want it”. This kind of content is often there to hold our kids’ attention and provoke reactions.
Many of these influencers are highly aware that outrage drives engagement, and they openly admit that without controversial content, they would not have grown their audiences. And they have to grow their audiences to sell products and make money.
It is also important to remember that because their own lives are often quite ordinary, they escalate their behaviour over time to stay relevant to our kids. What starts as provocative opinions can quickly spiral into sharing violent and highly sexualised videos – all to grab the likes and views.
Sometimes our kids know this and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they mind being exploited and sometimes they are not even aware they are being exploited.
How can I talk to my son about the manosphere?
Seven KLIKD Conversation Starters
- I’ve heard a bit about HSTikkytokky and Andrew Tate, what do you think about these guys and their content?
(This opens the door without assuming anything) - I know they both promote fitness and self-discipline. That is quite cool. Between someone like HSTikkytokky and Andrew Tate, who do you think has the better fitness message and why?
(This keeps you in the non-judgemental zone with your son) - I know you like to think for yourself so how do you feel when they try and sell you their products – I mean you are making them rich right?
(This reminds them that they are there to create wealth for these guys and that they have choices) - I know they also have a view on girls. What are your thoughts on the way they see relationships? Do you think the stuff they say about girls and success is accurate?
(This encourages reflection) - Why do you think some guys really buy into all of this?
(This creates distance so they can answer more honestly and invites critical thinking without attacking) - Do you think some of the really provocative stuff they say and do is there to get more likes and views out of you – how do you feel being the person who makes them rich?
(This might not land immediately but in time, for sure, it will make your son think about his role in relation to these kinds of influencers) - When you watch guys like that, do you feel more motivated or more pressured to be a certain kind of guy?
(This gently brings you back to their internal experience)
Overall these conversation starters work because they signal: ‘I know what you’re seeing, I’m not here to judge, I’m here to understand.’
In the end….our boys do not need more pressure.
They need to feel safe being human. That means: acceptance before improvement, space to make mistakes
and real conversations about who they admire online and why,
Stay curious. Don’t judge too quickly.
Because right now, boys are learning who they are from the internet.
And if we are not part of that conversation, someone else will be.
Stay Connected
Sarah and Pam
