When frightening news breaks close to home, like the recent reports of a possible serial killer operating in Kempton Park, a lot of parents make the same quiet assumption: if I don’t bring it up, my child hasn’t heard about it.

It feels like the safer choice. But children rarely learn about these things in a clean, complete way from us. They pick it up in fragments: a headline glimpsed on a phone screen, a snippet from the car radio, an older cousin’s WhatsApp status, a worried whisper between classmates at break. And fragments, left unexplained, tend to get filled in by imagination, which is almost always scarier than the truth.

This is the real choice parents are making when they stay quiet. Not “does my child know or not,” but “who gets to shape what they know: me, or the playground.”

What Children Are Actually Picking Up

Even primary school children are more plugged into adult news than most parents realise. They overhear conversations at pickup, see push notifications on a parent’s lock screen, or catch a serious tone in the room and know something is wrong even without hearing the details.

Teenagers, of course, are getting it directly: TikTok videos, X threads, group chats buzzing with half-facts and full-blown rumours. By the time many parents consider raising it, their child has already built a version of the story, and it’s often more frightening, more confused, or more distorted than reality.

This is not a reason to panic. It’s simply useful information. It tells us that the question isn’t whether to have the conversation, but how to have it well.

Match the Conversation to Their Age and Stage

A seven-year-old and a sixteen-year-old need very different conversations, and trying to give both the same one is where most parents go wrong.

For younger children (roughly 6 to 10), the goal is reassurance and containment, not explanation. They don’t need details about what happened. They need to know that adults are aware, that police are working on it, and that their own daily world (school, home, the people who love them) is safe.

Keep it brief, keep it concrete, and let their questions guide how much further you go. If they don’t ask, you don’t need to offer more.

Tweens (roughly 11 to 14) are old enough to know something serious is happening and will often have already heard a version of it from friends or social media, sometimes an inaccurate or exaggerated one.

Here, your job shifts from reassurance alone to gentle fact-checking. Ask what they’ve heard before you say anything. This tells you exactly what rumour or fear you’re correcting, and it signals that you trust them enough to be part of the conversation rather than protected from it.

Teenagers (15 and up) can usually handle a fuller, more honest picture, and many will actively seek one out online if they don’t get it from you.

With this age group, the conversation can move toward the practical: personal safety awareness, checking in when they’re out, being mindful of what they share about their location on social media. This gives them something to do with their anxiety, which is often more useful than reassurance alone.

What They Need From You More Than the Facts

Across every age, the details of the case matter far less than how you show up while talking about it. Children take their emotional cues from the adults around them.

A parent who is calm, steady, and willing to answer questions (even with “I don’t know, but we’re safe and I’ll tell you if that changes”) does more to regulate a child’s fear than any amount of careful wording.

It also helps to be honest about uncertainty. Parents sometimes feel pressure to have a tidy, reassuring answer for everything, and when they don’t, they avoid the topic altogether.

Children don’t need certainty from you. They need to see that you can sit with something scary without falling apart, because that’s exactly what you’re teaching them to do too.

Finally, keep the conversation open rather than closed. A single “big talk” rarely works as well as short, ongoing check-ins over days or weeks, especially while a story is still unfolding in the news.

Let your child know they can bring it up again whenever something new comes up, whether that’s a fresh headline or just a worry that resurfaces at bedtime.

The Takeaway

Frightening local news isn’t something parents can shield their children from entirely, not anymore, not with a phone in every pocket and a group chat in every friendship.

But that’s not actually the job.

The job is to be the calm, trustworthy source your child turns to when the world feels unsettling, rather than one voice among many confusing ones.

Handled well, moments like this don’t just pass. They become evidence, stored up over years, that when things get scary, home is where the clear answers and steady adults are.

---

Conversation Starters

For Younger Children

Young children think very literally. If they hear that there is a “serial killer on the loose”, they may imagine someone walking around their school, neighbourhood or home looking for children.

Keep your explanation short, factual and contained:

“Some women have been killed, and the police are investigating what happened. People are worried that the same person may have hurt more than one woman, but the police do not know that yet. There are many police officers working to find out the truth and keep people safe.”

Then bring the conversation back to their immediate world:

“Nothing about your normal day needs to change. The adults who look after you will continue making careful decisions about where you go and who you are with.”

Avoid absolute promises such as “Nothing bad will ever happen to you.” A more helpful reassurance is:

“The adults in your life are here to look after you. If you ever feel worried or unsafe, you can always tell me. You will never be in trouble for telling me.”

If They Ask: “What Is a Serial Killer?”

You can say:

“It is a name used for a person who has killed more than one person at different times. People are using that word at the moment, but the police have not yet confirmed that this is what happened.”

You do not need to add details about how the women died.

If They Ask: “What Is Rape?”

Do not panic or shut the question down. First ask:

“Where did you hear that word?”

“What do you think it means?”

For a younger child, you could say:

“Rape is when someone forces another person into sexual contact with their body without permission. It is a very serious crime. Nobody is allowed to force sexual touching on another person.”

If your child is very young and needs a simpler explanation:

“It means someone touched or used another person’s private parts in a forced and very harmful way. It is against the law.”

Then reconnect the explanation to the body-safety lessons they already know:

“Your body belongs to you. Nobody should ask you to keep secrets about touching. If anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, confused or unsafe, you can tell me, even if it is someone you know. You will never be in trouble.”

Answer the question they asked, then pause. You do not need to give them every fact simply because the subject has arisen.

Helpful Conversation Starters for Younger Children

• “What are children at school saying about this?”
• “Is there a part that keeps popping back into your mind?”
• “When you heard that, what did you imagine was happening?”
• “Does the danger feel far away, or does it feel as though it could happen right here?”
• “What helps your body feel calmer when a story feels scary?”
• “Who are the grown-ups you could speak to if you ever felt unsafe?”

The goal: Correct misinformation, contain the fear and remind your child that they do not have to carry frightening information alone.

---

For Older Children and Teens

Tweens and teens may already have seen posts, crime-scene images, voice notes, maps, warnings and angry commentary. They may also be hearing unverified claims presented as fact.

Go in lightly. A direct interrogation is likely to close the conversation before it begins:

“There is a lot being shared online about the women who have been killed. Has any of it come up on your feed?”

“What are people at school saying about it?”

“How much of what you’ve seen do you think is confirmed, and how much is speculation?”

Acknowledge the truth without amplifying the panic:

“Several women have been killed, and that is horrifying. The police are investigating whether the cases are connected. We need to take the situation seriously, but we also need to be careful not to turn rumours into facts.”

Help Them Think About What They Are Sharing

Ask:

• “Who originally posted this?”
• “Is it from the police or a reliable news source, or from someone repeating what they heard?”
• “Could sharing this help keep someone safe, or could it spread panic?”
• “Are victims or their families being treated with dignity in this post?”
• “Would you want an image of someone you loved circulated in this way?”
• “Why do you think frightening content travels so quickly on TikTok and Instagram?”
• “When does raising awareness become consuming or sharing someone else’s trauma?”

Remind them:

“You do not need to watch graphic footage to understand that something terrible has happened. Seeing more does not necessarily make you better informed.”

If graphic images appear, they should not forward, save or search for more. They can report the content, block accounts posting it and step away from their feed.

Talk About the Bigger Issue Without Leaving Them Hopeless

Older children may ask difficult and important questions about gender-based violence, why women are targeted and why South Africa continues to experience such high levels of violence.

You might say:

“What has happened forms part of a much bigger problem of violence against women. It is understandable to feel angry, frightened or helpless. We also need to be careful not to talk as though violence is inevitable or that all men are dangerous.”

This is also an important conversation for boys. Bring them in without approaching them as though they are potential perpetrators:

“What do you think boys and men hear when violence against women is discussed?”

“How do jokes, comments or online content sometimes make disrespect towards women seem normal?”

“What could someone your age do if a friend spoke about girls in a threatening or degrading way?”

“How can boys be part of creating safer friendships, relationships and communities?”

The goal: Make room for fear and anger, strengthen their critical thinking and help them see that they have a role in building a culture of respect and safety.

---

Talk About Safety Without Making Girls Responsible for Men’s Violence

Practical safety conversations are important, but the message should never be that a woman or girl is responsible for preventing someone else’s violence.

Instead of delivering a long list of warnings, have a calm family check-in:

• How will we let one another know where we are?
• What will we do if plans change?
• Who can we phone if we feel unsafe?
• How can we help a friend leave an uncomfortable situation?
• What family code word could we use if we need help without explaining everything?
• Which trusted adults could we approach at school, at an activity or in our community?

Tell your child:

“If something ever feels wrong, you are allowed to leave, call us or ask for help. You do not need to worry about being polite, and you will not be punished for needing us.”

What Not to Say

Try to avoid:

• “Women aren’t safe anywhere.”
• “There’s a serial killer coming for women.”
• “You can’t trust anyone.”
• “That could easily have been you.”
• “This is why girls should never go out alone.”
• “Don’t worry about it.”
• “You’re too young to understand.”

These responses can either intensify fear or shut down the conversation. Children need truthful information, but they also need it delivered in a way their developing brains can hold.

If Your Child Seems Particularly Distressed

Children may revisit the conversation several times. This does not mean the first conversation failed. It is how they process difficult information.

Reduce repeated exposure to news, graphic posts and adult conversations. Keep routines predictable and make time for ordinary family connection. Seek support from a school counsellor, psychologist or healthcare professional if your child’s fear begins affecting sleep, school attendance, concentration or their willingness to separate from you.

If a child responds to this conversation by disclosing that someone has touched, threatened or hurt them, remain calm. Believe them, thank them for telling you, tell them it was not their fault and seek professional help. Do not question them repeatedly or ask them to recount every detail.

We cannot always stop frightening news from reaching our children. We can make sure that when it does, they have a calm, connected adult who helps them separate fact from fear and reminds them that they never have to navigate the hard things alone.

Above all, stay connected.

Love,

Pam and Sarah