We all have different rules in our homes when it comes to tech and it can be tricky when ‘the other mom’ (who comes off as so cool to your child) allows TikTok/ Roblox,/Call of Duty/Fortnite ….and you don’t. So what do we say to the ‘other mom’ when our child is ‘game on’ for a playdate at their house?
WHAT DO I SAY TO THE OTHER MOM?
- Start with a thumbs up:
- “Hi ‘Michelle’ thank you so much for inviting Josh over. He always has a great time with you guys.
- Don’t beat around the bush:
- “I wanted to mention that we have some concerns about Roblox and have decided not to allow Josh to play it just yet. Mat may be ready (her son) but we aren’t quite there with Josh.
- Ask for Understanding:
- “I understand every family has different rules, and I completely respect yours. Could I ask for your support tomorrow when Josh arrives. I ‘d really prefer Mat and Josh not to play Roblox. I really appreciate your understanding.”
- Suggest Alternatives:
- “Maybe they could play MineCraft and then head out for a bit soccer – I know Josh thinks Mat is a pro goalie. I’m sure they’ll have a great time no matter what they’re doing.”
- Maintain a Positive Tone:
- “Please let me know how this sits with you. If it feels like too much to manage I am happy for them to come to me. Thanks for understanding. Have a great week.
YES, BUT WHAT DO I SAY TO MY CHILD
Acknowledge the feels and the facts
1. I know you always have a great time at Mat’s house.
I know his mom lets you guys play Fortnite but Dad and I aren’t comfortable with you playing Fortnite just yet. There can be some creepy people online and for now, it’s a ‘no’
Set the boundary clearly – put a time line in place with it.
2. Some things are up for discussion like your bed time will change when you are a bit older and you need less sleep. We can talk about Fortnite again in six months.
BUT MOM!!!
Acknowledge the feeling again without getting ruffled.
3. I get that you are upset.
Set the boundary
4. This is not something that is up for discussion –
Explain why the boundary is in place
5. In the same way that I have to make sure you have brushed your teeth, I also have to keep you safe. That’s my job. I don’t feel safe with you playing Fortnite just yet. There are lots of skills you need to know how to manage some of the things that can go down online. Over time you will get those skills, that I know for sure.
Emphasise your connection
6. I don’t trust what is out there.
But I do trust you.
Reiterate that this is how you roll in your family.
7. I take my job as your mom very seriously. Every family has different tech rules, for now, this is ours.
